THEY SAID IF I GOT HERE BEFORE THE DOORS CLOSED THEY WERE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO LET ME VOTE BUT I’VE BEEN STANDING IN FRONT OF THIS BLOCKBUSTER STORE FOR A WEEK.

I always forget to not rub my eyes when I’m super-gluing jalapeños to live scorpions.

No, YOU’RE arguing with yourself on the Internet.

I love the subtle message in the “Christian Singles” website advertising, which implies that if you use match.com or some other site God might get confused and match you up with the wrong person.  Maybe their interface is not deity-friendly?

What’s the New Yorker equivalent for NASCAR enthusiasts? I have a vampire novel set during the 2009 Daytona 500, and I want to make sure it gets exposure to the right audience.  It’s called “Vlad Pit Stop”.