[ Interior, office, 2010. BIG BOSS MAN scowls, sitting at the head of the table, chomping on a cigar and staring at his employees. ]

BIG BOSS MAN: OK, we’ve made all the mechanisms work in the exact opposite way of how they do in the rest of the world, and that’s a good start. But it doesn’t feel *perverse* enough. What else have you got?

[ JOHNSON timidly raises his hand ]

JOHNSON: How about if we… if we… <cough>

BBM: SPIT IT OUT, JOHNSON.

JOHNSON: …if we remove all the descriptive labels?

[ Silence. ]

BBM: Johnson?

JOHNSON: ….y-y-yes sir?

BBM: Congratulations, you are our new VP of Design!

[ Cut back to JOHNSON, who suddenly also has a cigar in his mouth. Confetti starts falling from the ceiling as other employees burst into cheers. Champagne, celebration, patting on the back. ]

[ CAMERA PULLS BACK. Company sign on wall becomes visible: it reads “ASSOCIATION OF HILTON HOTEL SHOWER CONTROL DESIGNERS” ]

[ JUMP CUT TO ME, 5 years later, IN SHOWER. After 15 minutes of staring in confusion at a label-free unrecognizably-designed shower control, I tentatively turn it a quarter inch to the left.]

[ Suddenly, BOILING HOT WATER pours out of the shower nozzle for 3 seconds, followed immediately by FREEZING COLD WATER, followed by MILLIONS OF SPIDERS ]

ME: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

[ EXEUNT OMNES, NAKED. END ]