I’ve noticed that I do not need coffee in the morning if I follow these simple steps:
1. Wake up.
2. Go into bathroom to pee.
3. While peeing, notice spider on shirt.
4. Negligent of the effects of wind currents and direction, attempt to blow the spider OFF of shirt.
5. Watch in slow-motion, Matrix-style horror as spider lands exactly in the worst place it could land under these circumstances.
6. DANCE, MONKEY BOY, DANCE!